June 6th - Elena

I have (and hate) to admit, but after the last post I hadn’t left the apartment at all until tonight. It was really weird for me since in Manhattan I was constantly gone from the apartment. I was being productive, however. I got all my books set up, all our closets are straightened out, every box is unpacked in my room but one, so pretty much the final thing I have to sort is the kitchen. Still, when me and my sister went out tonight for ice cream it was wonderful.

I think part of the problem was I was feeling kinda sorry for myself, but at the same time I wasn’t. Jeesh I am mixed up. A little explanation.

I think I think I should be more homesick/lonely (from now on referred to as HL) than I am. I also think I keep expecting this crippling “oh my gosh what the heck did I do why am I here” regret to kick in. And then I wonder if maybe I am HL but just don’t want to admit it to myself. I think it’s a little of both. Last night across the way, there was a big party going on in that apartment, and it made me miss our group of friends and just the fun and security of knowing you were part of a group that all liked each other (for the most part!

Despite that brief real brush with HL when my sister and I were getting ice cream we came to some good conclusions.

No matter how HL we get, we should just remind ourselves what we are (or rather – are not) missing in Kansas. My core group of friends are dispersing all over the continental United States. It’s not like if I stayed in Kansas I’d have friends in my direct vicinity.
Plus if we stayed we’d just be doing the same thing over and over. If we do have to be HL at least there is new land, sights, restaurants etc. to see and do.
If our parents have enough faith in us to move us 1600 miles with ALL of our belongings, then we must be doing something right.
Once we get jobs and I start school and we are around people again that will help the friend/acquaintance process.
Again, I think what is freaking me out the most is my lack of freaking out. I have yet to cry (shocker, I know), I’ve only had twinges of HL, but then againg I have only been in Boston for six days. Maybe next post will be me freaking out. Who knows?

I think it’s just going to be a readjustment from being a big fish in a little pond to a tiny fish in a huge pond.

Miss you all!